WELCOME ABOARD!
Hello every Welcome to the new site of dark side. You can request a Graphic, Review, One-Shot or a Trailer that you need for your fanfic^^.Enjoy requesting in dark side
PROFILE
Web-Missie: **princess**Co-Web-Missie: JJ's Love && JayCar
Born:11/30/09
Re-Open:--/--/--
NAVIGATION
=HOME==ABOUT US=
=Dark Side Family=
=Affies=
=Request=
=Status=
=Pick Up=
=b-date=
=Extra=
Blacklisted
DORKISTIC DESIGN
SISTER SITE
CHATSPACE
ShoutMix chat widget
MUSIC
ARCHIVE
April 2010
May 2010
CREDITS
Review for Love in School
Story: Love in School
Author: lovely_smile
Reviewer: th1rd3ye @ Dark Side
Title: -5/10
Your title is too simple and rather common and perhaps even too revealing. The title sounds too typical. Thus, most likely, readers will feel and assume that the story will be those common dramatic fairy-like stories. Do try harder!
Foreword: -6/10
For your efforts in trying, I decided to give you a higher score. I wanted to give a lower score due to lack of enthralling details in the foreword. No doubt, you hand provided a brilliant introduction for all the main characters. I love the way you present them briefly but yet fully somehow. This is good! However, to make a foreword more interesting, you need more than that. For example, you lack a short and concise summary of the story’s plot itself. In addition, you can include sneak previews or significant quotes said by characters in the story later, with or without revealing the characters’ names. These will pique interest in your readers, tempting them to continue reading. Do strive on!
Appearance: -10/10
The overall appearance of the whole blog was organized, simple, and sweet and portrays loveliness and romance. I am so glad that you did not use a messy background with hearts or patterns. Words are clear on the page. Good job for this!
Plot: -9.5/15
The overall plot was still the common dramatic plot about love and friends. It is still quite a cliché plot, with several developments too typical in the rampant love stories all around the net. However, what I like about your story is you write it your own style and way, with a rather steady pace, with the lively characters. The interactions between the characters are frequent and add on to the bubbly atmosphere of the whole story.
Flow: -8.5/10
I find it a little slow from the start since a lot of introduction was done slowly, step by step. However, all these help in building up the portrayals of their characters. The events happening are also developing rather slowly. I guess you can speed things up a little. Nonetheless, the lengths of your chapters are consistent which aids in maintaining a steady pace for your story.
Originality: -7/10
Same comment as plot; since the plot an author uses will reveal his or her originality.
Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation/Vocabulary: -7/10
Your grammar, spelling and punctuation are all alright. There are occasional errors but not too many. As for vocabulary, due to your writing style, I guess it is hard for you to show off your vocabulary. Do strive on. Examples of errors include:
[1] hurried for nothing (Chapter 1) – This is not a major mistake but it sounded a little incoherent. I think you should write that “we hurried for nothing”.
[2] Haha, if I am you, I'm not going to choose him. (Chapter 4) – It should be “If I were you…” since this assumption cannot be true.
[3] I like to play batminton and write during my spare time. (Chapter 5) – Spelling error. It should be “badminton”.
[4] Come on, how old are you to be making fun of people's name? (Chapter 5) – It should be “names” since there are many people.
[5] Her goal in life is similar to mines (Chapter 10) – It should be “mine”, without the ‘s’.
[6] The six boys turn around and their eyes widen at the girls' style. (Chapter 14) – It should be “styles” since you are referring to the girls’ (plural) ways of dressing.
Characterization: -9/10
Great characterisation! To me, you had included dialogues, actions and conflicts to bring out their personalities to a great extent. The different sides of the characters can be deduced and seen. I think you can improve by using more adjectives or maybe even adverbs. You can include more vivid verbs here and there too! Do strive on!
Writing Style: -9/10
Your writing style is like how playwrights write. Your writing style is rather personal and allows readers to easily integrate into the characters’ roles. What I think you did very well was that you clearly know the characters’ speeches and actions, thus, everything was clear and fluent. The dialogues were linked and coherent, with their actions. You had also used italics and the asterisks to show the differences. Great job and efforts! However, I think that if you are to write in this way, you will be less able to describe more vividly with more sophisticated phrases and verbs. Overall, though, good job!
Overall Enjoyment: -4/5
Bonus: -5/5
Thanks for requesting from our site! =] It is nice to see an author putting in her best to write her story, and present it in the best way she can! =D Strive on!
Total: -80/105