Title: Just Another Cinderella Story

Author: grapestrawberry

Review by: xiaoxi

@ http://darkside-jj.blogspot.com

Title: 8/10

As the title suggest, this is yet another typical Cinderella story. However, there was a twist to it - the Cinderella searching for the Prince instead of the Prince searching for her.

Foreword: 3/10

I do not like it when authors feed the storyline to the readers. There should be an excerpt of the most exciting portion of the fan fiction at least. Excerpts and foreword help lure in readers who are interested in the fan fiction. By telling the storyline, people can more or less predict the story even before you start with Chapter One. Thankfully you only touched briefly on the storyline and have not revealed any other information that might’ve been a spoiler.

Appearance: 6/10

I wonder why Junsu wasn’t placed on the poster as like how he was in the background? I would prefer to have it coordinated - either Junsu is on both poster and background, or he is not placed there at all. Also, the font is a little stressful on the eyes against your background. You might want to try darker colours.

Plot: 13/15

Although the whole ‘Cinderella’ thing was a little cliché, it was made slightly more interesting with Sun Yee searching for the Prince. There’s only one word to describe the interactions between Sun Yee and Jaejoong - sweet.

Flow: 7/10

Pace was a little quick at times, but overall it was okay.

Originality: 7/10

As I’ve mentioned, the plot is rather cliché, but you had added your own twist to it.

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 7/10

I would appreciate it if you had typed your words in full instead of using of using contractual forms. It would make your writing seem much more professional.

Also, you might like to add a list of commonly used Korean words and its English translation somewhere in your fan fiction, be it at the end of each chapter or in your foreword. Although I personally have no trouble reading it, placing a translation list would help others who might not know what is “oppa”, “gomahwo”, “omo” and so on.

Just something that I noticed in Chapter One. Numbers below ten should always be typed out in full instead of just placing a ‘6’ there.

You had:

“The party’s not until 6 in the evening.”

And in Chapter Two, you had “He’s really going here”. It should be “He’s really coming here”.

However, I would like to suggest, “He is indeed coming my way.”

As for the chapters you rushed and apologized for mistakes, you can always go back to edit them out. I kept a closed eye since I could tell you’re a much better writer than that in certain chapters.

Characterization: 8/10

I totally understood their characters, except sometimes I have this feeling that there’s something missing from Jaejoong. Maybe it was because he has been mysterious from the start.

Writing Style: 7/10

Your writing style is simple and easy to comprehend.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

Bonus: 3/5

I like authors who interact with readers (:

Total: 72/105

Reviewer’s note:

Thanks for choosing me as your reviewer! I’m sorry for taking so long on this review. I might have been a little harsh in this review, but I do understand I would like perfection for everyone’s writing, not just my own writing.

By the way, I’ve heard soju does not actually get the person drunk. It’s just a scorching feeling down the throat, but you won’t get drunk from it. But yeah, I just took it that Sun Yee got conked out by soju since I’m not exactly 100% certain myself.

Good luck and thanks for requesting!

Xiaoxi, loves